NDSU Spectrum: Movie review

‘Sugar & Spice’ puts the ‘F’ in farce

By JOHN HANSEN

Feb. 2, 2001

The previews for “Sugar & Spice” looked mediocre, but the movie had the can’t-miss premise of two cheerleaders robbing a bank. It also had two talented actors, Mena Suvari and James Marsden, who have shown good taste in scripts in their young careers.

So how bad could it be?

Simply put, “Sugar & Spice” is the most pointless and illogical piece of crap to grace the big screen in a long time. It’s a pure marketing ploy with no redeeming qualities and no creative minds behind it.

“Sugar & Spice” makes “Bring It On” look like Oscar material. At least that movie delivered some neat cheer routines and a few laughs in a so-so attempt to satirize the obsessive world of cheerleading.

“Sugar & Spice” satirizes nothing. We know the characters are cheerleaders because they wear their cheer outfits for most of the movie. There are three cheer sequences in the film, and they are all boring.

We know the characters have personalities because they are labeled in the opening credits. Cheer captain Diane (Marley Shelton) gets impregnated by football captain Jack (Marsden). Kansas (Suvari) is the rebel. Hannah (Rachel Blanchard) is the good girl who’s only allowed to watch “G” movies. Lucy (Sara Marsh) is the smart one. Cleo (Melissa George) is obsessed with Conan O’Brien.

“Sugar & Spice” is completely unfunny. Even the cleverest concept, Cleo’s obsession with Conan O’Brien, isn’t funny. She dreams of being in Conan’s leather-filled house. She tapes Conan’s mugshot and her own to Ken and Barbie dolls and has them kiss.

However, we never get a pay-off punch such as walls or locker doors covered with Conan photos. And besides, an obsession with Conan O’Brien really isn’t all that shocking. If Cleo were obsessed with Andy Richter or Max Weinberg, it might’ve generated some silliness at least.

So after an hour of nothing happening, the movie shifts into first gear when the cheerleaders decide to rob a bank wearing Betty Doll masks. Do they get away with it? You won’t care, and the answer won’t make sense anyway.

But “Sugar & Spice” really earns its “F” by wasting its biggest star. Suvari gets three closeups, she looks like crap because someone decided all the cheerleaders should apply makeup with a trowel, and her character is so boring that even the actress’s natural charm is buried.

Sure, Suvari was in the atrocious “American Virgin,” but at least that movie had the decency to skip theaters. Even with 11 months to go, “Sugar & Spice” is a lock for Worst Movie of 2001.

Title: “Sugar & Spice”

Starring: Marley Shelton, James Marsden, Mena Suvari, Marla Sokoloff, Alexandra Holden, Rachel Blanchard, Sara Marsh, Melissa George

Written by: Mandy Nelson

Director: Francine McDougall

Grade: F