‘Last Boy Scout’ (1991) has classic one-liners, can’t sustain momentum

“The Last Boy Scout” (1991) has some of the best one-liners in action-film history. I was 13 when the film came out, and I recall that this was among the first “edgy” movies that my friends regularly quoted from.

All of the Shane Black staples (he writes the screenplay here, while Tony Scott directs) are in place, including the thrown-together buddy (pseudo-)cops and the child who is incongruously in the mix. However, the back half is a big step down from the first half, like a football team that blows a big lead.

An all-time great a**h***

Bruce Willis effortlessly plays one of the all-time great movie Assholes, Joe Hallenbeck. And he’s also funny. Joe is basically doing a set list of material, ranting to his wife (Chelsea Field) about their 13-year-old daughter (Danielle Harris as Darian) using so much makeup that she looks like a raccoon. He thought she was a burglar and almost shot her twice.

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This isn’t just for the viewer’s benefit; Joe is in-universe funny. His “yo wife is so fat” material is so funny to a gunman that it distracts him, and Joe escapes. His impromptu investigative partner, former quarterback Jimmy Dix (Damon Wayans), tries to keep up with Joe, at one point using the classic bit about how he needs help going to the bathroom because the doc told him to avoid heavy lifting.

Oddly, Willis is the “I’m too old for this” partner in the duo, even though he was 36 at the time (Wayans was 31) and his career as an action star was just taking off. I guess Willis’ roles can be separated into “old” and “really old.”

The banter is so good in “The Last Boy Scout’s” first half that we hardly notice that the plot hasn’t kicked in other than Joe’s friend Mike (Bruce McGill) getting blown up by a car bomb. Things accelerate a bit with the next victim, Jimmy’s girlfriend, played by an unrecognizably young Halle Berry.

Riding the momentum

Once the plot and action lock into gear, the movie gets stupider, although the momentum is so strong that it’s never not enjoyable. And Black (who co-wrote the story with Greg Hicks) seems aware of the screenplay’s thinness.

Joe wakes from unconsciousness in the abode of a villain, Taylor Negron’s Milo, who suggests introductions all around. Joe declines; it’s enough for him to know this is “the bad guy.” Later, Milo comes back from a sure demise without explanation in the film’s laziest moment.

The overarching villain is Sheldon Marcone (Noble Willingham, basically playing the Texan from “The Simpsons”). This L.A. Stallions owner wants gambling legalized so professional football will get out of its financial slump. That’s an amusing time-capsule element considering the NFL’s steady rise in popularity since this film’s release.

It’s hard to know how seriously to take any of “The Last Boy Scout’s” commentary on pro football, though, since it opens with a player pulling out a gun, shooting several defenders on the way to the end zone, and then committing suicide.

On the other hand, if there was ever a film that should start with that sequence, it’s definitely this one. If it wasn’t so gleefully absurd, I guess someone could extract a satiric commentary about the early deaths of concussed players.

Another strong Harris turn

Another key player in the film’s back half is Darian. Harris is perhaps the most well-known of the child actors in Black films, having stolen the show in “Halloweens” 4 and 5 before being unceremoniously nixed from 6 for being too young.

She’s good as the kid who hates her dad’s guts and shows it by behaving exactly like him. But then things get ridiculous as she’s right in the thick of things with the murderous villains. In “The Nice Guys,” Black masters the art of integrating a child into the dangerous plot, but he hadn’t figured it out at this point.

By the end of “The Last Boy Scout,” I wasn’t in the mood to dance a jig, as the movie is not as good as it should have been. Still, if you like ridiculous actioners, there are a lot worse ways to spend 100 minutes.