“Steel” (1997) is so boring, dumb and uninspired that it’s hard to imagine it was any fun to make the movie; it’s certainly no fun to watch. The NBA’s Shaquille O’Neal had already headlined a film as “Kazaam,” and we know today about his natural charms from hoops analyst gigs and commercials, but at this point he is stiff on screen.
Even the elite action stars of the day couldn’t save it, and Shaq has better odds of making 10 straight free throws than pulling this mess from the fire.
Stiff lead, bad action
The action itself is bad, and while it’s shocking today that the Lakers would allow their newly signed star to make a stunt- and explosion-filled movie in his downtime, that might explain some of Shaq’s stiffness. He doesn’t do anything risky, and there was probably no stunt man who could remotely match his 7-1, 300-plus-pound frame.
It takes honest-to-god 45 minutes until Shaq’s Johnny becomes Steel, and the reason is basically that he finally decides to make the suit at his uncle’s scrapyard.
The impetus comes in an early sequence, though, when Johnny, Sparky (Annabeth Gish) and Burke (Judd Nelson) are in the Army. After Burke’s reckless weapons mishap leaves Sparky in a wheelchair, they all leave the service.
Writer-director Kenneth Johnson, who created TV’s “Bionic Woman” and “V,” gives us a world where we don’t know what the rules are.
In reality, the government would be all over rogue citizens designing and building weapons, but for some reason they let all three of these people do just that. It’s not till the end that we understand agents are never gonna bust their operations (except to wrongly arrest Steel out of sheer incompetence), because the screenplay doesn’t call for that.
Two years earlier, “Die Hard with a Vengeance” crafted an intricate plot about how to steal from the Federal Reserve; in “Steel,” the bad guys simply roll up to the Los Angeles branch and blow a hole in its wall. The streets are conveniently empty, as if they’ve been blocked off for moviemaking.
Gushing over Gish
The best part of the film is Gish, as she almost provides energy as the Oracle-style hero, who knows how to use the internet in its early days. This is despite the fact that Gish was considered the energy-sapper on “The X-Files” when she joined that show a few years later.
The Sparky-Johnny relationship is also mildly interesting, just because it’s hard to figure out. I couldn’t tell if their relationship is platonic or romantic; ultimately, it’s the former, but I don’t know why. Maybe the director noticed that was the energy they gave off.
Off screen, DC Comics’ Steel is much more interesting than what we get on screen. He was created in 1993 as a normal (albeit large) guy who aims to take up the mantle in the wake of Superman’s death. The film includes a couple of verbal nods to Superman and Batman that maybe played as clever in the 1990s but fall flat today.
“Steel” starts off boring and stays that way. It’s broadly stupid but never in an entertaining way. It sometimes looks like a bland sitcom, sometimes like a cheap actioner (although the sonic-blast special effects are competent).
I think “Swamp Thing” is slightly worse because it’s so obnoxiously slow-paced, but “Steel” makes a strong case to be considered among the worst superhero movies.