I went into my rewatch of “My So-Called Life” (1994-95) with one of the show’s most famous questions on my mind: Jordan or Brian? The 19 episodes (it was canceled by ABC three short of a full season) don’t tell us who Angela is going to choose, so fans have debated the question in the nearly three decades since.
Surprisingly, this isn’t because the question is front-and-center through the 19 episodes. It’s not seriously raised until the very last scene of the very last episode. But as such, it has become the lasting question.
‘Brian, you are completely right, OK, but could you just please explain geometry to me anyway?’
One side of the love triangle is quite straightforward. Angela Chase (Claire Danes) is obsessed with Jordan Catalano (Jared Leto) through the whole season, assuming he has hidden depths even though he doesn’t talk much. “Betrayal” (episode 17) finds Angela briefly and gloriously getting over him, but her extreme hurt over Jordan having sex with Rayanne Graff (A.J. Langer) later in the episode shows she actually isn’t. Jordan speaks slowly because he is – as we learn in the finale – a “rudimentary reader with low literacy skills.” But Angela, with one foot in fantasy and one in reality, wants to believe there’s more to him.
“My So-Called Life” (1994-95)
ABC, 19 episodes
Creator: Winnie Holzman
Stars: Claire Danes, Devon Gummersall, Jared Leto
For his part, Jordan initially sees Angela as an intriguing object, the way he views all girls. After briefly dating, they agree to break up in “Pressure” (13) because she’s not ready to have sex yet. Generally a nice guy (despite hanging out with a not-so-nice crowd), Jordan purposely treats Angela like dirt in “Self-Esteem” (12), but that’s because he’s developing feelings for her and doesn’t like it.
While the Angela-Jordan relationship is directly portrayed, Angela-Brian is subtle enough that it could be missed if you had the show on in the background rather than actively viewing it. They’ve been next-door neighbors since they were 5 and could broadly be called friends, but they aren’t tight like Dawson and Joey.
We generally learn Brian Krakow (Devon Gummersall) is secretly in love with Angela through his own statements — particularly in “Life of Brian” (11), in which he does the first-person narration, a change of perspective from Angela. Later, in “Self-Esteem” and “In Dreams Begin Responsibilities” (19), Brian looks sadly and longingly from a distance at Jordan and Angela happily walking hand-in-hand.
A subtle moment suggesting his love comes in the pilot episode. Angela – rescued from a bad encounter with older guys outside Let’s Bolt — has been dropped off by a police officer a little bit away from her house, and the officer asks Brian to walk Angela home. Angela stands there silently, looking both pretty and in need of Brian’s help; something in guys’ genetic wiring makes us fall for girls in such situations. That might be the clincher to Brian’s obsession.
‘I mean, if you, like, analyze why certain people end up with certain other people, it’ll make you want to kill yourself.’
Even more subtle is the portrayal of Angela’s feelings for Brian. Surprisingly, it’s in “Life of Brian” – one of two episodes Angela doesn’t narrate, the other being the Danielle (Lisa Wilhoit)-narrated “Weekend” (18) – where we see it most clearly.
Dateless Angela asks to share a car to the dance with Brian and his date, perky Delia Fisher (Senta Moses). This leads Brian to fantasize that Angela actually wants to go to the dance with him, so he harshly (out of stupidity, not callousness) breaks it off with Delia. Thus he is at the dance with Angela, who rips into him for assuming it’s a romantic date.
But then at the episode’s end, she admits she played a role in sabotaging Brian’s budding romance with Delia. Although she consciously doesn’t know why, viewers are invited to read that Angela has subconscious feelings for Brian that have been betrayed by her behavior.
In the very last sequence of the finale, Angela confronts Brian about ghost-writing Jordan’s apology letter to her. She’s initially angry, but eases off when she realizes – perhaps consciously, for the first time – that Brian has feelings for her. Notice the softening of Angela’s voice, a nice touch by Danes, an incredible teen actress.
‘Who told you I liked Jordan Catalano?’
At that point, we have all the information we’re going to get about Jordan’s, Brian’s and Angela’s feelings, and until 2016, we were left to guesswork to determine who Angela would choose. Then in a brief Entertainment Weekly interview, “MSCL” creator Winnie Holzman spilled the beans: Angela would be with Jordan in Season 2, and Brian would be with Delia, although sexual tension would ramp up between Brian and Angela.
This isn’t surprising; it’s a natural progression. The Jordan-Angela relationship is fast-moving whereas the Brian-Angela relationship is extremely slow-burning. The evidence that Angela likes Brian is much more subtle than in most TV love triangles.
‘But he’s not who I chose to make my life with. I chose your dad.’
But there’s also the broader question of “Who will Angela choose in the end?” The answer is actually given in Season 1, if you read between the lines of two thematic threads.
One is quite clear, in the finale. Angela’s mom Patty (Bess Armstrong) has a dream about Tony Poole, her equivalent of Jordan Catalano (as illustrated in several ways, including a flashback sequence and Patty’s reflective looks when talking to Jordan in the kitchen). But she ultimately chose to make a life with Graham (Tom Irwin), who is reliable and grounded.
If one considers the parallels between Patty and Angela – including Angela gradually becoming confident in her looks and popular like her mom was – one can then conclude that Angela won’t ultimately marry Jordan. However, does that make Graham the parallel to Brian?
There are cases to be made. Graham is the cooler of the two Chase parents when we meet him (whereas Brian is not at all cool), but we learn in the dinner conversation of the pilot episode that this is a switch from when he and Patty were younger. The school changed the prom date to accommodate her schedule; he couldn’t get a girl to look at him.
In “Life of Brian’s” wallpapering scene, Graham suggests that Brian should “let whatever happens, happen” in regard to his romantic life – and Brian does indeed adopt this philosophy. In his case, it’s often because he can’t act; his inability to ask Delia out is so extreme that she has to ask him if he’s trying to ask her out. Still, this does outwardly manifest as “letting whatever happens, happen.”
‘If you can get that angry with somebody, there’s passion involved.’
As for evidence that Angela might be into Brian, a hint comes via another parallel to the adults. In “Betrayal,” Camille Cherski (Mary Kay Place) tells Patty she does not have to worry about Graham cheating on her with dangerously appealing business partner Hallie Lowenthal (Lisa Waltz), since Graham and Hallie get along. If there’s anger involved, then there’s passion. In subsequent episodes, Patty becomes rightly concerned when she notices Graham is angry with Hallie.
Angela’s perpetual irritation with Brian is the defining trait of their interactions. For example, in “So-Called Angels” (15), we get this Christmas-spirited exchange: “Excuse me, but why are you here?” “Excuse me, your dad asked me to help.” Annoyance is a low-grade passion of sorts.
As I noted about “MSCL’s” final sequence, Angela is initially angry that Brian ghost-wrote the letter. Angela softens when it dawns on her that his writing of the letter isn’t a good reason to be mad at him. Camille’s fair point acknowledged, we know from many examples on the show and in real life that passionate relationships need not find the two people angry at each other all the time. This could be the moment Angela starts to like Brian. We simply don’t know, because for once (and I’m sure this is no accident by the writers) Angela doesn’t tell us.
Still, this pile of circumstantial evidence does suggest that the writers are saying Angela and Brian will get together in the end.
‘Oh, look and you’ll find it / Someone wants to love you’
If you want to throw extra-textual clues on top, consider Season 1 of “Dawson’s Creek,” which has many plot and character commonalities with “MSCL.” “DC” creator Kevin Williamson says in “From Scream to Dawson’s Creek” (2000, by Andy Mangels, citing a New York Times interview) that he studied “MSCL” when preparing for “DC” and envisioned his show as a sunnier version: “My So-Called Lite.”
Along with the tone, another point of departure is that “DC” got to run for six seasons, rather than being canceled late in its first season. In Season 1, Joey is with Dawson, but hints of a future with Pacey are peppered in via their passionate, insult-laden exchanges – clear in retrospect, but subtle enough that viewers might’ve missed them on the initial airing.
In the series finale, Joey chooses Pacey. So if one imagines “DC” as a lighter, completed version of the “MSCL” story, that points to Angela-and-Brian.
Then again, “Buffy”-“MSCL” parallels abound, too, and if we’re going to use that as an extra-textual source, then Brian will end up with Angela’s kid sister Danielle once she becomes age-appropriate. Dawn crushes on Xander the same way Danielle crushes on Brian, and Dawn and Xander become a strong couple in the “Buffy” Season 8 comics. If Buffy is the Angela in that equation and Angel is the Jordan, then Jordan and Angela are in for rough years wherein their passion alternately brings them together and drives them apart.
Because of the similar title and the way Baze-or-Ryan draws from Jordan-or-Brian, it’s also tempting to look at Cate in “Life Unexpected” – although it’s not much help. Cate chooses Ryan (the Brian equivalent) in the Season 1 finale, when the writers didn’t know they’d get a Season 2. Then in the series finale a season later, Cate ends up with Baze (the Jordan equivalent) – but this comes in a rushed “one year later” epilog that doesn’t feel earned.
‘I’m like way too introspective … I think.’
Then there’s the most famous of all “Who will she choose?” series, “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.” Serially boy-crazy Rebecca sets aside Josh, Greg and Nathaniel and chooses herself, realizing she hasn’t taken time to be comfortable in her own skin as an independent person.
Rebecca is neurotic, though; Angela is thoughtful. Granted, “MSCL” makes a good self-deprecating joke in “Resolutions” (16): Angela resolves to stop being introspective, but then worries that will make her shallow; therefore she decides to think about it some more. But honestly, Angela consistently has thoughts that all teenagers have. She stands out only in the sense that she allows us to be privy to her thoughts via the magic of first-person narration.
Angela has a good head on her shoulders at a younger age than Rebecca. Indeed, she breaks up with Jordan in “Pressure” because she has the self-awareness that they aren’t at the same place on their personal sexual-experience timelines. That’s, somewhat ironically, very mature. So Angela’s narrative end point might indeed be to “choose herself.” The real world backs this up: Most women do not marry their first boyfriend nor the boy next door.
‘Sex was this thing that people had — like a rash, or a Rottweiler.’
Back to the topic of sexual compatibility: I’m somewhat throwing that out in the Jordan-or-Brian debate, partly because TV writers rarely deal with this issue. An exception is Cordelia-and-Wesley in “Buffy” Season 3. They’re both smitten with each other, but when they try to kiss, they have zero chemistry, and the relationship ends before it starts.
We know Jordan and Angela (and Leto and Danes) have kissing chemistry, and we don’t know that about Brian and Angela. But TV writers can write whatever they want along these lines, and viewers will generally accept it. For example, it doesn’t totally ring true that Sharon (Devon Odessa) is a sex maniac with boyfriend Kyle (Johnny Green), but because it’s off screen, we chuckle and accept it.
When it comes to the question of Gummersall’s and Danes’ on-screen romantic chemistry, again, we simply don’t know. I suspect they are good enough actors to sell it, if that’s what would’ve been required. If not, the writers were smart enough to write around it.
‘I’d go, if you wanted me to. And I’d send you a letter from there.’
In imagining Angela choosing Brian, it helps that Brian and Jordan are so similar. That’s “MSCL’s” out-in-the-open secret. Surrounded by heart-on-sleeve performances by the likes of Danes and Wilson Cruz (as Rickie), Leto and Gummersall are easily spotted as the show’s two least expressive actors in terms of facial contortions or wild body language. Leto by an acting choice, Gummersall perhaps coming from a more limited comfort zone, judging from their later bodies of work.
Looking at the characters, it’s especially evident in the tutoring scenes that Brian and Jordan are both decent people who — except for common and understandable flaws — could make for loyal boyfriends. Their personal hurdles are different, but equally problematic: Brian can’t ask for girls’ phone numbers, whereas it’s effortless for Jordan. Jordan struggles to read and write and hold nuanced conversations, whereas it’s effortless for Brian (unless he’s talking one-on-one to a girl he’s interested in).
Angela is drawn to Jordan’s hidden depths, but they might not actually be there. (For God’s sake, he literally thinks Brian’s name is “Brain.”) Or, to be more generous, they might not be easy to tease out. How much patience will she have with him? On the other hand, we know Brian has depth. He perhaps has a richer internal life than Angela herself.
This is why the Brian-or-Jordan debate is endlessly fascinating. Ample evidence is piled up on both sides of the ledger. At least the story ends on a grace note. Although “MSCL” ended at least three episodes – and arguably many seasons – short of its full narrative ambitions, the last image finds Angela driving off with Jordan while mulling new information about Brian (either merely that he likes her, or perhaps her realization that she shares those feelings).
Angela Chase is physically with Jordan Catalano and mentally with Brian Krakow. She hasn’t chosen. It’s rather sweet and touching that “My So-Called Life” is perpetually frozen at a point in time where she doesn’t have to.
Coming Thursday: All 19 “My So-Called Life” episodes, ranked