There’s nothing worse than an unfunny comedy. But in a close second place is an unscary horror movie. And next is a Christmas movie without any cheer. “Jack Frost” (1997) comes close to hitting the trifecta, but it does nominally look like Christmas, if one can forgive the fact that most of the snow is fake in this straight-to-video movie that seems to have a budget of $10.
But none of the jokes land, and writer-director Michael Cooney almost aggressively holds back on gore as a reincarnated serial killer snowman (Scott MacDonald and various props) terrorizes a small town in the mountains. Jack Frost quips like Freddy Krueger in his worst sequels as he plays out the plot of “Return of the Living Dead.”
The best thing I can say about the kill scenes is that they are achieved with practical effects; there’s zero CGI here. The downside is that Cooney often cuts away, sometimes leaving logic gaps. In the opening escape scene, we aren’t shown how Frost escapes his cuffs. Another scene uses Christmas tree lights and ornaments, but stages the kill with an obvious ragdoll standing in for the performer.
“Jack Frost” (1997)
Director: Michael Cooney
Writers: Jeremy Paige, Michael Cooney
Stars: Scott MacDonald, Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel
From the start, “Jack Frost” cues us that it’s a broad and cheap farce. The van hauling Frost to his execution says State Executional Transfer Vehicle on the side panel. The first kill cues us that there will be little gore; it mostly happens off screen.
Too timid to be a dark comedy
Even a bathtub attack scene featuring Shannon Elizabeth (“American Pie”) aggressively dodges titillation with PG-rated camera angles as the snowman attacks (even though the film is rated R). If one is generous, there’s implied rape with the carrot nose, but it ain’t exactly nightmare fuel. Elizabeth is the only actor you’ve heard of, although hero sheriff Christopher Allport is a dead ringer for “The Evil Dead’s” Bruce Campbell, so that’s something.
“Jack Frost’s” best joke comes over the opening credits, with voiceovers by a storyteller and a “little girl.” The bedtime Christmas tale turns dark as we learn this Jack Frost isn’t jolly, he’s a serial killer. The details of what he does to his victims promise much more than the following events deliver.
A common joke is: What if this VHS tape got swapped at the video store with 1998’s “Jack Frost,” in which Michael Keaton is reincarnated as a friendly snowman? (This swap certainly must’ve happened somewhere.) Imagine the horrified kids, etc.
Despite what you can imagine, this film doesn’t deliver. Yet at the same time, “Jack Frost” is by no means family friendly. So who is the audience? Well, the filmmakers themselves – if not the actors, who professionally go through the paces – seem to be having fun. The closing credits are peppered with quotes, presumably said by people on the set, such as “Maybe it will snow tomorrow.”
A fresh snowfall can turn a crappy landscape beautiful, and ideally “Jack Frost” should’ve been buried. But as awful as it is, I bet it’s been a marketing success. It pops up toward the bottom of “best Christmas horror movies” lists simply because it exists, plus it has accidental cachet due to a mainstream movie of the same name coming out one year later. All I can do is show some holiday-season compassion and warn you away.