A few years back, the “Alien” franchise commissioned a collection of short fan films, and it was a pretty decent throwaway romp. The “Terminator” franchise hasn’t done the same thing, but if it did, “Christmas Bloody Christmas” (2022), if shortened, would be a respectable entry.
Although for copyright reasons the robot doesn’t look exactly like a T-800 endoskeleton, we glimpse a hint of something similar when the Santa Claus exterior begins to melt away and drip off in the climactic chase/fight, the film’s technical highlight.
Writer-director Joe Begos’ film does some things right and some things wrong. It’s one of those straight-to-Shudder movies, so depending on the budget and filmmaking experience of those involved, it either overachieves or underachieves.
“Christmas Bloody Christmas” (2022)
Director: Joe Begos
Writer: Joe Begos
Stars: Riley Dandy, Sam Delich, Jonah Ray
Among the good: When Final Girl Tori (Riley Dandy) is fighting the Terminator-Santa in the last third of the movie, it looks visually great under the lens of Brian Sowell, like the deserted-town conclusion of “First Blood” but with green and red lights and snowfall slathered on. The movie was shot on backlots with snow machines, so that makes the atmospherics even more impressive. Furthering the “Terminator” connection, at one point Tori is hiding under a desk like in that meme.
Steve Moore does good score work, drawing from Eighties slashers and “Terminator” synth without obviously copying them. Begos writes like a dialog-punching script doctor, building up personalities for Tori and music-store employee/friend Robbie (Sam Delich) with their rapid-fire pop-culture chats; they’re like the B-team at Championship Vinyl. (A highlight of the banter: Tori thinks “Book of Shadows” is the best “Blair Witch” movie. That makes two of us on the planet.)
Pretty colors, but no scares
What the movie doesn’t do well, and this is a serious problem for a horror movie: tension, scares and gore. “Christmas Bloody Christmas” is never for a moment scary or anxiety-inducing. The robot (Abraham Benrubi, Olaf on “Buffy”) is going berserk because its original military firmware has taken over. This concept is not cheeky or terrifying, it’s rote and empty.
Potential gore scenes are wasted; the garbage bin at the “Terrifier” offices certainly has better stuff. When two of Tori’s friends – having kinky sex at the toy store they operate — become the first victims, we don’t get any sense of what’s happening (other than the raw fact of the slaughter) as we view a handheld-camera sequence that represents Santa’s POV.
Tori and Robbie are one-note people; it’s an appealing but overlong note as they argue about music in a way that likely represents Begos’ own passionate opinions. But they are friends who like to riff, swear and exchange barbs more so than they are characters. At 86 minutes, there’s time for at least Tori to have an arc, but Begos instead spends it on the riffing. The proportions are out of whack.
Despite the seasonal atmospherics thanks to Sowell and the lighters and designers, I wasn’t vibing with “Christmas Bloody Christmas,” instead merely tipping a cap to its technical qualities. “Terminator” fans might have some fun with the last act, but the overall product is a lump of coal – it’ll burn for a bit then be gone, leaving the wrong kind of chill.