1. I notice comedians now apologize for jokes if they offend someone. Can you imagine if musicians had to apologize for bad songs? “Sweet Home Alabama” attacks my eardrums every time I walk into a small-town bar, and I’ve never gotten a letter of apology from Lynyrd Skynyrd. Or what if politicians had to say they were sorry? In that case, the Republican and Democratic parties could just give a blanket Apology Address once a year.
2. Whenever I see a Facebook profile photo of someone hanging out with four friends, smiling and holding beverages, I always feel like they are rubbing it in. Instead of a photo, it might as well say: “Ha ha! I’m out having a blast while you’re home alone watching the Tennis Channel.”
3. I love my mom and dad, and I’m thankful that they gave me a place to stay while I was unemployed and going to school. But one of the first things I’m going to do when I move into my new apartment is watch “Chelsea Lately” on full volume and not cringe and look over my shoulder every time Chelsea says “kaslopis” or “shadoobie.”
4. Sometimes I’ll read a book in three sittings, and other times I’ll read a book of similar length over the course of three weeks. What’s up with that?
5. When I’m watching “Baseball Tonight,” I sometimes think it should be renamed “Peter Gammons, a Host and Two Morons Who Used to Play Baseball.”