I can’t really say it better than I did in my Nov. 1, 2002, Easily Bemused column for my college paper, the North Dakota State University Spectrum. So, to commemorate Tuesday’s 20th anniversary of the original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movie, here is a reprint of my tribute to my all-time favorite comic-book-turned-movie (and cartoon, and toys, and more movies, and more cartoons, and more toys), along with a few footnotes that I’ve added (or should I say “Foot” notes. Get it?):
So I walked into Comic Junction (1) a while back to make my weekly purchase of “Buffy” and “Star Wars” spinoff comics when I happened to glance at the indie section.
Raphael was jumping right at me from the cover of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” Vol. 4, No. 4. I hesitated at first, but what made me finally shell out (the only bad pun you will find in this column, I promise) my cash was that the new series is written by Peter Laird and Jim Lawson, two of the guys behind the original Mirage series from the 1980s.
Of course, another contributing factor in my decision was nostalgia.
Hooked by the movie
My dad took me and my sister to see the first TMNT movie when it came out in 1990. I was instantly hooked by the film’s gritty portrayal of four outcasts who thanklessly fought crime amidst a wasteland of post-Reagan urban decay. OK, that’s a bit of historical revisionism. I was hooked by the fact that the Turtles all had different colored masks and weapons (2).
This set off a spree of obsessive purchases of TMNT action figures, taping of the cartoons and collecting of the trading cards. I desperately tried to engineer trades to acquire my sister’s “Ninja Pizza Coming Up” card (card No. 33 of Series 1, if I recall (3)). She never caved in, but the joke is on her, because now that she’s become a mature young adult, I have secretly annexed her entire TMNT collection (4).
That awesome ‘Ninja Rap’
“TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze” was even better than the first movie (5) because it included a mutant snapping turtle and wolf, as well as Vanilla Ice — in 1991, a person could like his music without having to use “ironic kitsch” in their reasoning. To this day, I can quote every line of Ice’s “Ninja Rap.” (That will be my opening taunt when I finally land my coveted spot as the Turtles Geek on “Beat the Geeks” (6). Either that or “I own over 300 Turtles action figures.”)
TMNT introduced me to the world of popular music, as Vanilla Ice was joined on the soundtracks by such seminal artists as M.C. Hammer, Ya Kid K and Baltimora. And who could forget “T-U-R-T-L-E Power” and its erroneous lyric: “Raphael, he’s the leader of the group/Transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop.”
As any true fan knows, Leonardo is the leader, and I would gladly take up that argument with any kid on the playground, citing the cartoon theme song: “Leonardo leads/Donatello does machines/Raphael is cool but rude/Michaelangelo is a party dude (7).”
Discovering the comics
As I grew older, I discovered that TMNT predated both the movies and the cartoons. The original comic was independently produced by comic book geek buddies Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird in 1984 under their Mirage label. Vol. 1, No. 1 features the Turtles going out on their first mission for their master Splinter: to kill the Shredder. I was all about revenge, violence and even some swearing.
I devoured Mirage classics such as “Return to New York,” “City at War” and most memorably “The River,” a poignant three-issue saga wherein Raphael gets the mutagen sucked out of him by the villainous Bloodsucker (8). These comics were a great discovery, because now I could like TMNT without the embarrassment of being “too old” for it.
(Or so I hoped. One day, at around age 18, I was looking through the Turtle toys at K-Mart when a couple of girls walked past and demanded “Aren’t you a little old for Turtles?” It still stings a bit.)
Obsessive collecting
For years, when I’d see my younger cousins at Thanksgiving and Christmas, my massive Turtles collection was always a source of common interest. But around 1994, the Turtles became uncool (9) and the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers were “in” despite the obvious fact that the Power Rangers would get killed by the Turtles in a fight — they’d all be the Red Ranger because they’d be covered in their own blood.
Of course, I couldn’t honestly claim that TMNT was still cool at this point, because the franchise made a move that probably still keeps Eastman and Laird awake at night: the introduction of a female Turtle on the live-action show (10)! Let us never speak of this again.
Meanwhile, Eastman and Laird handed the comic license off to the morons (11) at Image, who promptly made Don into a cyborg, cut off Leo’s hand, turned Mike into a novelist and made Raph the new Shredder.
No longer teenagers
In Laird’s new series, the Turtles are now in their 30s (although they haven’t matured a ton since their teenage years), and Laird is wisely pretending the Image series never happened.
Although Vol. 4 my only be a pale shadow of those heady early days, it’s enough to get the TMNT hype machine rolling again. Talk of new action figures, cartoons and a film are moving from the stage of “obscure rumor” to “it actually might happen.” And in this age of cool “X-Men” and “Spider-Man” movies, you can bet that a new TMNT movie would hold the cheese (12). (By the way, if you’re reading, Kristen (13), the Turtles would kick Spiderman’s ass in a fight.)
Vanilla Ice probably won’t get a call for the new film, but that doesn’t mean I can’t close on a sage bit of wisdom from the Iceman via Master Splinter: “Always remember, go ninja, go ninja, go!” (14)
Footnotes
(1) The best comic book shop in Fargo, N.D., then and still now.
(2) Actually, although I may not have been very articulate if I had written a movie review at age 11, I always did enjoy the dark, gritty cinematography of the New York scenes. For some reason, the impressive look of the film has always been underrated by critics, who tend to dismiss it as just another sell-out comic-book movie. It was a sell-out comic-book movie, but a very good one.
(3) I recalled correctly.
(4) And I’ve since sold some of it on eBay, and pocketed the cash. Bwa-ha-ha.
(5) No, it’s not.
(6) An awesome game show on Comedy Central that ran for 65 episodes from 2001 to ’02. The last episode featured a “Planet of the Apes” Geek as the guest geek.
(7) My opponent conceded that Leonardo was indeed the leader.
(8) A mutant leech. Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds.
(9) The height of the Turtles’ mainstream popularity was 1990-91, which coincides with the two happiest years of my life, according to my selective memory.
(10) Actually, it probably just keeps them counting their cash at night.
(11) That’s a bit harsh. The Image writers were trying to do something cool and new with the Turtles. They failed because they were mediocre writers, not because they didn’t care. April 26, 2018 addendum: After a re-read, I now like the Image comics.
(12) The new cartoon and action figures had their run from 2003-09, and the fourth movie — the first done entirely with CGI — came out in 2007. Indeed, the movie, titled “TMNT” did try to get back to the gritty roots of the first movie. A few cartoony monsters didn’t help matters, but it is a step up from 1993’s “TMNT III: The Turtles Are Back … In Time.”
(13) A co-worker at my college paper who liked “Spider-Man.”
(14) Any other TMNT fans out there? What are your thoughts on the movie 20 years later?