It’s been said that it’s hard for adults to understand the younger generation, and that’s accidentally but clearly illustrated in “Yoga Hosers” (2016). This horror-comedy is easily writer-director Kevin Smith’s worst film, and his last before the 2018 heart attack that in retrospect might mark his career turnaround.
Empty even by the standards of ennui
Smith humorously and poignantly tapped into Nineties youth ennui in the low-budget, black-and-white “Clerks” (1994). “Yoga Hosers” is armed with a vibrant color palette – so much it’s best quality that you’d be better off scrolling through still images. But it’s missing an insightful or funny screenplay.
Would he have been better off having stars Harley Quinn Smith (his daughter) and Lily-Rose Depp (Johnny Depp’s daughter) write the screenplay? Maybe not. At this point, neither is a good actor. It’s hard to imagine them having something profound to say about their generation.
“Yoga Hosers” (2016)
Director: Kevin Smith
Writer: Kevin Smith
Stars: Harley Quinn Smith, Lily-Rose Depp, Johnny Depp
To be fair, that might be because I see the actresses only as the Eh to Zed convenience store clerks, both named Colleen. (We met them in a little-goes-a-long-way scene in “Tusk,” the first of this loosely linked Great North trilogy. Like its predecessor, “Hosers” doesn’t feel Canadian; it was shot in L.A.)
These Gen-Zed’ers dread being “basic.” Ironically, they are basic: They hate their jobs and their main goal in life is landing an invitation to a Grade 12 party hosted by dreamy Hunter (“The Carrie Diaries’ ” Austin Butler).
Band, not on the run
They do have a band – with Adam Brody for some reason on drums – in the store’s back room. But every element that almost gives the Colleens substance is undermined when we’re cued to think of better movies. Their ennui is heartless and brainless compared to Enid and Rebecca in “Ghost World.” Their music is forgettable compared to the teens in “Josie and the Pussycats” – a movie with purposely shallow music (but at least it’s catchy).
The Colleens are always on their phones, presumably playing games with colorful blocks or creatures. The plot of “Yoga Hosers” can only happen because they get separated from their phones and are forced to notice what’s happening in the world.
But “Hosers’ ” plot is itself like a time-killing phone game. Sausage-looking and sausage-sized Nazis take over this little area of Winnipeg (giving the Weakerthans another reason to hate the city) and the Colleens must kill them. (Luckily, they are boringly easy to kill. Just as the genre is horror in broad trappings only, the plot has suspense only in the theoretical sense.)
Every character is introduced with a profile screen atop a paused image. Imagine if every “Clerks” character was introduced like this; you’d say “There’s no point; most of the characters are in one scene and gone.”
It’s the same thing here. “Hosers” gives us a profile screen even for characters who are only in one scene. This device is not for the sake of building a dramatis personae but rather for distracting us.
A kiddie movie for bored adults
It doesn’t work. Although the film is structured like a falsely energetic Nickelodeon kiddie comedy, the audience will almost entirely be Smith die-hards (especially now, after the negative reviews). They know how funny he can be, and they’ll immediately recognize that “Hosers” is not funny – not even for one scene or one line.
It’s toned like a comedy, but Smith has nothing to say about the film’s topics, be it Canada (“ou” becoming “oo” is the extent of the commentary) or Gen-Z teens (if only they rose to the level of “basic,” rather than being voids).
A couple actors try to give us something worth watching amid the debacle that is “Yoga Hosers.” Johnny Depp, returning from “Tusk” as inspector Guy LaPointe, must’ve had fun moving the mole around his face and eventually accumulating several. This was likely a source of fun on the set.
The impressions by Ralph Garman, as the lead bad guy, are good – especially his Stallone. I thank him for aiming to entertain us. At least someone is trying.