You’re welcome to post comments on why these movies are great, but please don’t bother to call me names. You can’t make me feel worse than I already do. I know I am supposed to like these movies; I know you love them, I know my ignorance insults you, and I apologize for not being able to love them, too.
Please understand that the problem is not with the movie, it’s with me. I’m taking medication, but for the most part, I’ve decided it’s easier to go through life just accepting who I am, even if I’m deeply flawed, as my dislike of these 15 all-time great movies proves.
I take no joy in making this list. Realizing I hate a movie that everyone else loves is not a pleasant feeling. It’s the intellectual equivalent of being nauseous and wanting to either die or throw up, whichever comes first. You just want it to be over so you can smell the roses, enjoy the sunrise, do all the things you took for granted before this horrible experience put life into perspective.
I hate, hate, hate these 15 classic, wonderful, great movies:
1. “Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring” (No. 21 on the Internet Movie Database user rankings) — Three hours of wandering through a forest with the end result that Frodo learns … he has to wander through the forest some more. I couldn’t relate to any of the characters — all of whom are hobbits or elves or goblins or some silliness — and some segments are completely pointless. Why is Cate Blanchett in the movie, except to make up for the fact that Tolkien neglected to put women in his books?
2. “The Usual Suspects” (No. 22) — Clever ending, I admit. But the story that Kevin Spacey’s character made up just didn’t hold my attention. And that’s 95 percent of the movie.
3. “Silence of the Lambs” (No. 24) — I get it, he likes to eat people with a side of fava beans and a nice Chianti. This supposed horror classic could almost work as an unintentional parody if it wasn’t so boring. Forgiveness points go to “SOTL” because it partly inspired “The X-Files,” which was creepy and compelling in a way this film wants to be.
4. “The Matrix” (No. 27) — Our lives are actually our dreams, which are providing power for other beings. A decent, though problematic, sci-fi premise. But when the characters are this bland — it’s like everyone is trying to act down to Keanu Reeves’ baseline standard — who cares? And could this world look any bleaker?
5. “Citizen Kane” (No. 34) — A friend and I rented “Citizen Kane” to watch for a college film class; we were excited to watch “the greatest movie ever made.” We never finished it, because we both fell asleep. I’m paying the price for disliking “Citizen Kane,” though, because I can never use a snarky line like, “‘The Matrix’ is no ‘Citizen Kane,’” because I hate “Citizen Kane,” too.
6. “Lawrence of Arabia” (No. 41) — Someone stuck a big camera (the IMAX of the time) in the desert and captured beautiful, crisp footage. But technical competence alone doesn’t make for compelling viewing. Imagine the scene from “Star Wars” where the droids walk across the Tatooine desert. In “Star Wars,” it dissolves to the next scene. In “LOA,” it goes on for three hours.
7. “Saving Private Ryan” (No. 53) — It captures the horror of war, I’ll give “SPR” that. But since I was already opposed to war, why did everyone tell me I had to watch this movie? A better audience would be someone who thinks war is awesome — “SPR” will set them straight.
8. “Braveheart” (No. 100) — Once you go farther back than my grandparents’ generation, I struggle to care about historical pictures. It’s hard to follow the film’s politics, and the violence is sickening.
9. “Unforgiven” (No. 112) — It heralded the return of the Western. If this qualifies as a great Western, I know why I generally avoid the genre.
10. “Fargo” (No. 124) — I’ve lived in both Fargo and Brainerd. There’s lots of potential for a goofy, ironic stories in both cities. “Fargo” isn’t interested in that: The locales bear no resemblance to the real cities, and the film is incredibly, unappealingly violent.
11. “Donnie Darko” (No. 131) — I just don’t get it. At all.
12. “The Sixth Sense” (No. 139) — Similar to “Usual Suspects,” it has a great, clever ending, but I was bored senseless up until that point.
13, 14 and 15. “Finding Nemo” (No. 160), “Toy Story” (No. 181) and “The Incredibles” (No. 187) — I feel completely on the outside of this 15-year trend of animated kids’ movies that have a level of humor that (allegedly) appeals to adults.
Dishonorable mention (seven more movies you love that I hate): “The Shining” (No. 52), “Requiem for a Dream” (No. 65), “The Bourne Ultimatum” (No. 150), “Snatch” (No. 154), “The Big Lebowski” (No. 155), “Trainspotting” (No. 170) and “The African Queen” (No. 198).
Comments
Hmmm. My list would mirror yours, John, except, I’d add any “Star Wars” or “Star Trek” movie. I don’t know if “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” movies are bad cuz they don’t hold my interest enough long enough for me to stay awake.# Posted By Deneen Gilmour | 7/28/09 9:46 AM
The matrix is real though!# Posted By Trevor | 7/28/09 10:10 AM
The original “Star Wars” trilogy (all three films are in the IMDB top 113) is a surprising choice for movies you hate. I am sensing, though, that you don’t actually hate them, you are just indifferent because they aren’t your types of films. Some people say they hate “Return of the Jedi,” but I’ve never heard of anyone falling asleep during them. Of course, the prequels are another story, but those don’t qualify as movies everyone loves.
Same thing with “Star Trek” — the only film in the top 250 is the new “Star Trek” movie, which is certainly overrated (and silly, when you actually give serious thought to the plot), but not quite hate-worthy.
I have encountered that situation where you can’t really analyze why you don’t like a movie because you are just rebelling against it. “The Matrix” is a prime example. I don’t know the specifics of plot or themes, because I was bored silly by the characters and the world.# Posted By John Hansen | 7/28/09 2:14 PM
Great list John, but in terms of using the Internet Movie Database user rankings as your barometer, I think there are better lists out there.
But anyways, here are my likes (most selections) and dislikes.
You’re spot on with Lord of the Rings at No.1, and I appreciate the distaste for the “untouchable classics” Saving Private Ryan and Braveheart. I actually fell asleep during both–SPR at the movie theater on Christmas day–so I empathize with your Citizen Kane comment. Braveheart’s drama just played out too long, the fight scenes were few and far between and after hearing the spoiler before viewing the movie, I was already going in with low expectations. Just like you, it’s not my type of movie. War movies have to have an appeal that can overshadow the significance of hundred to thousands dying. In comparison, the subplots of Full Metal Jacket, the transition from boot camp to war and the spot-on narration symbolizing the significance of Vietnam made that movie good, but not great, to me.
As to Lawrence of Arabia and Citizen Kane, it’s hard to gauge the significance of those movies decades later. I’ve never wanted to see LOA but have watched CK, and yes, it was almost as painful as watching the contestants on “Dance Your Ass Off” perform to numbers like Flash Dance and Saturday Night Fever. But because those films are still heavy hitters at the top or near top of every all-time great list, they apply here just fine.
I also agree with you that Silence of the Lambs is overrated, but at No.3? Hopkins and Buffalo Bill are iconic figures and Foster played the role well, so I would have to put that near the bottom of the top-ten list, at least below all the above mentioned movies. As for The Usual Suspects, Unforgiven and Fargo, I’m indifferent. I enjoyed Fargo, for most of the reasons you mentioned in the first of your contrasting reviews, but the other two aren’t worth another viewing.
Donnie Darko and The Sixth Sense, however, are two movies I could stomach to watch again, but I understand their place on the list. Darko was like an underground, loved by “deep” college students flick while The Sixth Sense was not enough horror, drama or suspense to hang your hat on.
But here’s where I have issue. Finding Nemo and The Incredibles are easy to watch compared to the rest of the list. They’re light hearted and innocent. Not great by any means, but certainly not bad. But they also shouldn’t be grouped in with Toy Story, maybe the sequels, but not the original. Toy Story was the original Pixar movie that broke ground with a new standard in animation technology. It also had original scores from Randy Newman, which are timeless, something the above mentioned animation films lacked. Plus, the plot connects with the child in all of us having to discard or box up a cherished old toy. I thought it was quite imaginative and innovative in its plot and execution, but to each his own.
Also, it’s an insult for The Big Lebowski to be grouped into such movies as Requiem (which I hated despite the lovely Jennifer Connelly playing a central role), Snatch and The African Queen.
Jeff Bridges transformed himself into “The Dude” and his anti-government, war-veteran sidekick John Goodman and pushover, complicated friend played by Steve Buscemi gave inspiring performances. Plus, the simplicity of the whole movie’s plot being centered around a damaged rug is amusing. I also loved the suspense of The Shining and the mood Stanley Kubrick set along with the casting. Shelley Duvall (Sp?) and the son, Danny, were great supporting actors to Jack Nicholson’s disturbed, haunted character that he played to perfection. And any movie that’s iconic and remembered solely for its quotes deserves bonus points.
Just my opinions, but if I were to make a list. I would probably include a few of your staples, while swapping out a few for Scarface, Field of Dreams, Alien and gasp, Pulp Fiction.
Watching Scarface and the awkward close ups coupled with the bad acting and brutality make the movie hard to watch.
Field of Dreams is labeled by some, the best baseball movie of all time but it’s not even the best movie Costner has ever made. I can list 13 better baseball movies: Bull Durham, Eight Men Out, A League of Their Own, The Natural, The Sandlot, The Bad News Bears, Minor League, Hardball, the documentary series Baseball by Ken Burns, the documentary series When it was a game, The Scout, Little Big League and even Rookie of the Year.
Alien is three hours too long and is dull, lacking the action of Aliens.
And lastly, for a film that is considered to be unanimously the best film by our generation, Pulp Fiction tries to be edgy and ultra-hip but it’s almost forced. The movie is too much of awkward scenes directed by a guy who’s creativity comes across as desperation in trying to introduce new subplots and tie-ins. Not my taste, and I’m sure you’ll disagree.
Let me know.# Posted By Seth Stringer | 7/28/09 2:37 PM
“Not enough to hang your hat on” is how’d I’d describe “The Big Lebowski” and the animated entries. You make a good case for “Toy Story’s” greatness, but I still don’t want to rush out and give it another chance, as I recall how bored I was the first time. I just saw it at the wrong time in my life.
“The Shining” has too many long spaces between stuff happening; you probably felt the same way about “Alien.” The visuals of “Alien” make it a winner for me, but I admit I don’t re-watch it that often.
I was very close to putting “Pulp Fiction” on my list. I agree with everything you say about it. But ultimately I decided, “Eh, I don’t quite hate it.” It was the movie that started the trend of telling stories out of order, and while that inspired many bad movies, I give “PF” credit for innovation — if not flat-out entertainment. I also almost put “Reservoir Dogs” on my list because it’s so unappealingly violent, but again, I didn’t quite hate it — it was more of a mild distaste.
“Field of Dreams” wasn’t on my list because it’s not in the IMDB top 250, which suggests to me that there is a fair amount of “FOD” backlash out there, so it doesn’t qualify as “loved by everybody.” But you’re right, it does pop up on a lot of baseball movie lists. In reality, it’s rather boring. And also frustrating, because it could have been such a magical movie with a more deft touch. I want to get teared up when Costner asks his dad for a game of catch, but I can’t, because I was just kind of bored up until that point. The book (“Shoeless Joe” by W.P. Kinsella), though, is great.# Posted By John Hansen | 7/28/09 3:05 PM
Oh, and I haven’t seen “Scarface.” That’s one of many movies in the IMDB top 250 that I know I wouldn’t like, so I don’t bother to watch it. Most of the movies in my top 15 list I saw several years ago. I now am at the point where I have a good barometer of what I like and don’t like, so I’m less likely to get burned.# Posted By John Hansen | 7/28/09 3:23 PM
Before posting my opinion, I wrote down the movies I thought were overrated on a baseball scorecard on my desk. Reservoir dogs was below Scarface but I failed to include it…maybe because it wasn’t so bad, but it definitely deserves an honorable mention (my friends said I had to see it) bc it was pretty well received by critics and moviegoers.# Posted By Seth Stringer | 7/28/09 3:39 PM
And true, by the list you supplied, Field of Dreams doesn’t fit with the theme. But like you hinted on, I’m just tired of being in the top three of every “greatest baseball movies of all time” lists.# Posted By Seth Stringer | 7/28/09 3:45 PM
So I have wanted to comment on this one for a while but just haven’t gotten to it. I feel that I will be writing for an hour if I bring up all my points and comment on yours but instead I will keep it really short.
1. Lord of the Rings – I didn’t read these books as a kid or have any expectations for the movie. When I left the theatre I was astounded at the ‘size’ of this movie. There have been many since that have left me with the same feel but the pure scope of middle earth and the fantasy that lived within entertained me. I agree, it is slow enough that I don’t want to watch it again but I still believe it was a great movie.
2. The Usual Suspects – I was never bored during this movie. I absolutely love movies that keep me guessing and this one did just that. If I can’t figure out a movie’s ‘secret’ then I feel it was a success. Kevin Spacey was outstanding in this movie and that alone makes it worth watching. I can’t argue how you felt about it.. but I thought the twists and guessing game were great.
3. Silence of the Lambs – I mentiond this in a previous post but this is one of my favorite movies. Actually the series (books not movies) is great all around. I think that the scenes when Lecter tests Starling are brilliant but again that comes down to the writing of Thomas Harris. This movie made me a fan of Anthony Hopkins. Similar to how Heath Ledger played the Joker I don’t believe that anyone could ever play Lecter as well as Hopkins did..and when watching the original Red Dragon it is obvious that I am right. This movie also has one of my favorite horror scenes of all time – When Starling is in the pitch black room and Buffallo Bill is right behind her with night vision goggles… picturing yourself in her place is terrifying! (a note on that, M Knight mirrors this scene in ‘The Village’ when Bryce Dallas Howard’s blind character is being stocked in the woods – it works just as well for him as it did in SOTL)
4. The Matix – I agreed with you the first time I saw this film. I went to the theatre with Matt and Chris who were seeing the movie for the second time because of its ‘awesomeness’. We sat 3rd row in a packed theatre and I hated it. It was too loud, over the top and just plain boring. When I saw it a second time (before seeing the second one) I had an all new appreciation for it.. First the special effects are obvioiusly top notch, but again the ‘fantasy’ and story took hold of me. I think what interests me is the depth of the ‘matrix’. When writers begin telling more of the back end and details to the story I become more interested. To imagine coming up with this idea makes me respect the movie. I agree with you on the ‘blandness’ of the characters but honestly I think that adds to the ‘bleakness’ of the world. It is dark and real. Not happy and ‘fake’ like the Matrix.
5. Citizen Kane is a classic only because it was one of the only movies at that time with a ‘clever’ ending. It is much like the Usual Suspects or Sixth Sense, it is the mystery and guessing that makes it good. It is boring to us in today’s day and age because of the old style acting and cinemtography.
6. Lawrence of Arabia – I have never seen it. Nor do I care too.
7. Saving Private Ryan – I’ll agree with you because I saw it once, never again and don’t remember anything about it.
8. Braveheart – I have never seen it (let the yelling begin)
9. Unforgiven – I agree here. Nothing special.
10. Fargo – Never seen it. I boycotted the movie.
11. Donnie Darko – Again, haven’t seen it.
12 – The Sixth Sense – This one is similar to SOTL. The suspense and guessing kept me interested. The suprise made it great. However, I do find it hard to watch again.
13 – Disney animated flicks – I completely disagree. These movies are all good. Toy Story especially. There is so much hidden humor in that movie it keeps me laughing for a long time after.
I also loved the Shining, the suspense and atmosphere is great, as is the ‘twist’ at the end. I went and saw this in the Fargo Theatre at a midnight showing a few years back.. it was awesome.I have other movies I would like to put up for discussion as well but that is for another post.# Posted By shaune | 8/5/09 3:20 PM
Shaune–
Remember when we tried to watch Citizen Kane on video when we were in that film class at NDSU? It’s like Peter Griffin said: “It’s a sled. I just saved you two hours.”
Also, we watched Lawrence of Arabia in that class. You must’ve wisely skipped those days. I know I skipped the second day.
I am surprised you haven’t seen Braveheart. But there’s no need to apologize; there’s enough entertainment out there that you don’t have to watch something you won’t like.
I guess we agree on Saving Private Ryan and Unforgiven (I think this was also from that film class), at least.
John# Posted By John Hansen | 8/5/09 5:08 PM