In the Monsterverse, we’ve had a Godzilla origin story, a Kong origin story, Godzilla fighting that cool three-headed monster from Facebook memes, and Godzilla fighting Kong. And now we have Godzilla fighting Kong again under a title even fans won’t remember: “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire.”
Why “x” instead of “vs.”? What’s this new empire? It’s fitting that those questions have no answers, because for a while now – even though the first four movies are fun romps – there hasn’t been a true sense of mystery, fascination or scope. The TV series “Monarch” (2023-24) faked me out with some decent characters, but even there the stakes became so big that they became small again, and the world-hopping became too easy – whether across the surface or beneath the surface.
As helmed by Adam Wingard, who also did 2021’s “Godzilla vs. Kong,” “G x K” is a well-oiled wraparound show taking us to all the big moments around the globe. A gray-bearded “too old for this sh**” Kong fights beast dogs in Hollow Earth and emerges to the surface to get an infected tooth pulled (not joking), a similarly “too old for this sh**” Godzilla naps in the Roman Colosseum and fights a giant serpent in the Arctic, etc.
“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” (2024)
Director: Adam Wingard
Writers: Terry Rossio, Simon Barrett, Jeremy Slater (story, screenplay); Adam Wingard (story)
Stars: Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens
The ‘Empire’ strikes out
A title card always tells us where we’re at. We never stay long enough to care, and “G x K” might’ve been better without the instructive graphics and exposition. The movie – like “Monarch,” but it’s more irksome in a feature film — plays too much like a zesty report and less like an organic adventure.
“G x K” puts the fate of the world on the line, yet I never believe it. The urban death tolls in these monster mashes certainly rise to the tens of thousands, maybe even millions. The cameras always cut away, as this is PG-13. Even when a CGI giant ape gets tossed into magma by his evil red-furred ruler, it’s only implied. Discoveries of flora and fauna are made by humans exploring Hollow Earth, yet the sense of wonder eludes me. OK, so maybe 1998’s “Godzilla” didn’t know how to do this stuff either, but that year’s “Armageddon” certainly did.
If “G x K” is nominated for an Oscar for special effects, I won’t hesitate to say “Well deserved.” It’s a factory vision – the credits are 10 minutes long – but executed with clarity when the monsters (apparently fighting because the audience expects it?) smash through the world’s biggest cities and ancient monuments such as the pyramids.
What’s weirder is that the casting seems factory produced, sealed and delivered. And so do the character beats and emotions. It’s not to “G x K’s” advantage that it emerges in the wake of “Godzilla Minus One,” but my observation would be the same if that theme- and character-focused 2023 Japanese hit didn’t exist.
It’s like someone said “Let’s get actors who have done amazing work elsewhere and plop them in here. That will mitigate the fact that they’re expositing in half their dialog.” So we have the return of that cute mother-daughter relationship from the last one, with Rebecca Hall and deaf youngster Kaylee Hottle, whose adopted Jia is Kong’s bestie and the last survivor of her Skull Island tribe. The fact that this pair, plus the entire underground ape civilization, does not speak makes the verbal and title-card exposition elsewhere even worse.
Why in the world is Bernie’s podcast controversial?
Also among the returnees is poor (but also hopefully rich) “Atlanta” star Brian Tyree Henry in possibly the most thankless role in “comic relief” history. He plays monster-believing podcaster Bernie, who has to regularly fend off trolls who say he’s perpetrating a hoax.
This is absurd on two levels. By now, plenty of people have seen with their own eyes that Godzilla, Kong and other monsters exist. Denying this after 10 years of Kaiju emergence events would be akin to being a Flat Earther. That would make Bernie a Round Earther, devoid of controversy.
Secondly, the team of four writers misunderstands the motivations for a government cover-up. Governments want more power, not less. They are going to exaggerate the threat of the monsters, if anything; they’re not going to cover it up, even if they could.
Plus, Hall’s Ilene, the head of the Kong observation division, goes straight to Bernie. And she’s not a rogue agent. So apparently there is no active cover-up. Or maybe she isn’t a government agent? (She openly discusses Kong and Godzilla on news programs.) Maybe her research team is contracted by a government? Eh, it doesn’t really matter.
Monsterverse assembly line
“G x K” is the type of movie you’ll find playing at the house of your friend who likes to show off his sound system. On smaller screens, overworked parents can put it on TV to occupy their kids on a snow day. It’s colorful, safely PG-13, and can easily be ignored. It’s not notably worse than previous entries, but cumulatively, this series is getting to be a lot without amounting to anything.
The filmmakers aren’t doing anything egregiously wrong (other than Kong getting a Transformer arm; again, not joking). The addition of one classic kaiju from the Japanese films is particularly big news here, they’ve figured out how to keep the runtime under 2 hours (remarkable in this day and age), and the script’s rhythms are fine (although with every “comedic” quip from Bernie, I’m sure my face resembled the Expressionless emoji).
“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” is slick, technically competent product signifying very little – a problem partly from the saga’s own repetitive huge-stakes narrative, partly from our “seen it before” tentpole movie culture. It’s been the end of the world as we’ve known it for several movies and TV episodes now, and I feel nothing.