‘Knight Before Christmas’ is more empty calories from the Netflix holiday machine (Movie review)

“The Knight Before Christmas” (November, Netflix), like most of TV’s recent holiday movie catalog, is so uninspired that I wonder if the sets, locations, casting and costumes come first. Then an exec assigns a writer — Cara J. Russell in this case – to churn out a screenplay with the boardroom-approved punny title and then they go from there.

Vanessa Hudgens, who also serves as a producer, has hitched her wagon to the Netflix holiday machine. While the actress could do better, we shouldn’t feel too bad for her because she’s likely being well compensated. This one is marginally less bad than last year’s “The Princess Switch,” which frustratingly did nothing with Hudgens’ comedic talents.

Here, Hudgens just smiles and looks pretty in every scene – which is fine, but I can Google pictures of her smiling and looking pretty whenever I want. The scenery gives her some competition, as the Ohio town looks like that Christmas village on your mantelpiece brought to life.

Hudgens, as school teacher Brooke, has good chemistry with Josh Whitehouse’s Sir Cole, an English knight magically transported from the 13th century. It’s for the purpose of finding love with Brooke, something every viewer immediately knows but which Cole will need a week – and more than an hour of movie time — to figure out.

Factory-directed by Monika Mitchell, the film is consistently mildly amusing, like when Sir Cole temporarily drops the accent and speaks in modern American slang, having learned it after a night of binge-watching Netflix.

But there are no wild and crazy setups in this utterly good-hearted movie. Maybe Brooke’s flirty neighbor Allyson (Mimi Gianopulos) will have funny culture-clash interactions with the chivalrous Cole, we think. Nope; Brooke shoos her away before the laughs come.

If “Knight” wanted to go deeper, there’s something to be said here about a Middle Ages knight’s impressions of the 21st century, or Brooke’s reaction to Cole’s values and behavior. Russell doesn’t go there in a substantial way, being content with the expected scenes of Cole thinking freezers and TVs and bathrooms are neat.

There’s very little conflict of any kind in the story. “Knight” might make for decent family viewing with lessons for young viewers about sharing, volunteering, the holiday general spirit … and in the one pseudo-intense scene, how to escape thin ice.

I like Hudgens, Emmanuelle Chriqui (as Brooke’s sister), Christmas decor and Christmas stories. I also like Christmas cookies, but I know if I eat too many, I won’t feel good. This movie is 92 minutes long, and I’d feel like I overdosed on sweets if it was much longer.

My rating: